Just Don't.

I've decided a lot of things over the past few days.

What I deserve. What I don't deserve. What does and doesn't make me really happy.

At this moment in my life, I just want to be Kim. That Kim girl.
Not caring if you haven't met me. Not caring to meet you.

Because I'm content with the people in my life and who they are.


I love APO. I love Lindenwood. Ashley is by far, the best friend to have here when I've felt so alone.
Missouri has done a lot of good for me, I think I really would intern or get my first job down here.
Which kills me to think about leaving my mom behind. I don't want to leave her or make her feel like I'm abandoning her.

There's a lot of times when I feel like people almost mock me or that they think I'm completely some hopeless girl who "wants to be someone someday".

Well, I will be.
Watch out too, because once I want something, I get it.

Please Virginia, Take Me Away...

I'm so tired. Emotionally and physically right now.

Could've gone out tonight. First time in a long time for just fun.
Didn't do it.
Would rather be at work right now, hanging out with Megan Z., Jenna, and TK.

College is my home away from home.
LongHorn is my home away from home. Teresa's the substitute mother. Ashley's the best friend. And Megan Z.'s the Emma of Missouri.

I'm in tonight. Lights off. TV on (of course).
10th Kingdom, again.
My love.

I can never get sick of this movie. Labyrinth is amazing, but there's just something about watching this movie.
I always wanted my own fairy tale. I still do. And when I'm an old grandma, sitting in front of my grandkids, they'll never want for an amazing story.
This story is keeping me going. It's comforting.
Reminds me of home. Of mom. And Neal.
I take my family for granted sometimes.
A lot of the time I still feel like I'm six. Calling for mommy. But no one comes.
Dad was never there. Never will be.

And, for some weird reason, this movie is my security blanket.

And for the second time since I've been in St. Charles for school I've been called naive.
How dare you. The first time it happened I thought "fuck you". The second time I almost believed it. But I do know who I am. I know who I can trust. I know what the world is like. I'm experiencing it right now. I can't say the same for either of you. Maybe, just maybe, if you get off your high horse, classifying someone else, then maybe I'll consider feedback from you.
Chances are not likely for either one of you now, though. The first person is just acting like an ass and the second I'll never see again.
So good luck with life.

Anyway, I'm off with Virginia now to go help Prince.

"There's No Place Like Home"

Watching 10th Kingdom makes me happy.
It reminds me of sitting around with my brother and mom watching it.

My brother would dance with the trolls when they sing "Saturday Night Fever".
...And I would be telling him how goofy he looks while my mom's laughing at us probably making food in the kitchen.

I think I take being home for granted sometimes.

"I know this time of year is bad, for you"

Spring break was pretty good. I got to see people, Ashley in particular. She came back from California. I hope she doesn't go back out there, I'm pretty sure she realizes that she's happier being at home, even if her boyfriend isn't here.

But, for some weird reason, I was slightly excited to come back to school. I think a big part of it was knowing I have projects and a lot of things to get done here still. I'm productive here, and it's hard to focus again after a week of just hanging out. At home, non-the-less.

Not to mention when I was home there was a bit of drama at the end of it. Sometimes I feel like such a bad person. I know I'm not, though. Mom says I still try to make too many people happy. I don't know.

Things at school didn't change when I came back from Spring Break. Which was nice. I hope I get into APO.
There was a conversation though, at the dinner table; two girls I didn't know, but the boys did were at the table also. During their conversation, I had an immediate flashback to High School. Like I was sitting there and the girls I had wanted to get away from, were staring right at me.
I'm aware that I don't really know these girls, so they're probably really nice. I just didn't care to hear about the drunken escapades.

My childhood never consisted of an alocoholic father or family member beating me. I've never lost a loved one from alcoholism. And I'm not opposed to having a good time with a few drinks. At all. That's why I'm so weirded out by the way I was listening to them yesterday. I had disapproving thoughts to these girls that were of the legal age to drink, like I was thinking that they were 13 and not 21.
Maybe I'm just really strange.

Right now, I'm just wishing for it to be summer. July to be exact. Be at home. With my best friend, boyfriend, and family. Getting a new job and enjoying one of my true loves: Ren Faire.
People probably get sick of me talking about it, but it's a really big part of my life. Which is weird because I'm only there 3 out of 12 months of the year on weekends.
I just want to feel at ease. I'm happy, I just want less pressures right now.