..& It's Only the Second Saturday.

Second Saturday since I've been home.

Feels like I've been here forever...Keeping my fingers crossed Olive Garden wants a summer girl.

..."Everyday is amazing. Even if it's awful. Because everything is for a reason. Because I know that this horrible thing that happens today will bring me something amazing tomorrow."

My tomorrow is the day that I get to move my stuff into 429 Anneric.
Don't get me wrong, a nice surprise for the summer would be good. Faire should be awesome overall, I hope. Veronica has been the only person keeping me sane here so far...Matt helps out too,though.

It's a little funny that I get to text Matt, telling him I wanna go home after a terrible night...And he knows exactly what I'm talking about. "Don't let those people get you down," he says.
..."I try so hard"...tears lightly fall from eyes as Roni tells me "I'm glad though that you've found somewhere you love. That it makes you happy."

I'm tired of crying about this place. Tired of blogging about it. But this is the only way I can get my frustrations out. No one here understands it.
My mom shakes her head like she's saying, "Yes Kim, I know." But she doesn't, really.
My uncle says, "It's because you got out of here, Harvard is a hicktown."
I never used to think this. Friday football games, the musicals, marching band, driving to Genoa in my free time, and working at Subway. That was my entire life...
I used to be HAPPY here. What happened? A boy two New Years ago told me about this place, Lindenwood. Before I knew it, I was receiving my acceptance letter.

There's no turning back now.
I don't think I would want to either.

Be Happy for Me...or Don't.

So, since I've been home, I've done this:

• Friday night: Went to Roni's house, picked her up, and drove into good 'ol Harvard. Emma came over and we had just a good girls night of catching up and swapping fun stories from the year.
• Saturday: Roni, Emma, and I layed around my house (I wasn't done sleeping til about 2:30). Emma had to go. Roni and I got chinese food for dinner and went over to Jon's to play Halo & Rock Band with him and Tony. It was a blast...haven't gotten any better at Halo though :/
• Sunday: Hung out with Roni, drove her home w/mom. Saw the sister and went shopping with mom & sis.
• Monday: Did some errands. Went to Genoa to hang out with Roni & saw ERIC! I haven't seen him in almost 5 years. Crazy. It was such a good time. Went to DeKalb to help Kyky shop and got some TBell.
• Today: Went with Roni to Pivet Point school :) and then came home...waiting for Mr. Grant to come get me so we can go out and get coffee and catch up.

Now, I would like to take this opportunity to tell certain people that...this is not my home anymore. Missouri pretty much is it now. I'm growing as a person there, I've met people that just want to be happy with their college life, and so do I.

IF you cannot be happy for me, then don't. But don't guilt me into the fact that I haven't made time for you since I've been back or that I don't call.
Communication is a two way street. IF you haven't bothered to call or write this whole school year and suddenly I'm back in town and it's suddenly my fault because I haven't jumped on calling...go (insert bad idea for yourself here).

I'm obviously making time for family and friends right now. Sorry if you're not willing to contact me until I get home.

Someone from home sent me a text saying I was "too good to hang out with". At this point, I don't give a fuck what you think. And right now, maybe I am. Maybe you're upset that I got out of this little town, I'm doing well & I love it down there & I can do fine without my mommy and daddy paying for everything and taking care of everything for me.

It's called growing up...maybe you should try it sometime.

Either way, your opinion isn't wanted or desired. Worry about yourself first.

I love school. Roni, Emma, and Ashley.Sue I love you guys :)
I am so excited for life and what it has to throw at me next, I'm competely ready.

It's Too Late for You & Your White Horse...

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale...I was a dreamer before you let me down."

Wow. This whole school year has been ridiculously incredible.

I've learned so so much. About myself and other people...it's amazing.

• There's not a soul on this planet that knows me better than I do. But I can find some wonderful people along the way to relate to so we're not all so alone here.

Maybe I really am a little naive. But maybe I love having a small innocence about me. I want to know everything and have the world, but think about children.
How completely innocent they are. Naive.
I want to feel the wonderment they feel when you discover something new and exciting and give people the benefit of the doubt because we're all human and mess up.

Ugh...I wish you could understand what it's like having two homes so far away from each other.

If you do, thank god you feel this way too because it's sad and so upsetting to leave people and a place you love...
but it feels so good to come back.

I'm going to be laughing and crying all in one day.

To my Lindenwood family:
Thank you so much for teaching me this year what it's like to help each other. In moments where some of us were down & out or just lost ourselves to a point.
You guys have no idea how much you've all really saved me and taught me the value of finding real friends.

Love you guys.
Yay for the 2009-2010 school year!

Save Me?

I feel like I've been running away from things lately. I'm starting to realize that I have changed so much as a person since I've been at college.

Maybe not changed-changed. Maybe I'm just starting to actually get to know myself more.
And the realization that I didn't know myself as well as I thought in the beginning...scares me.

I am proud of myself though, for doing what I did a few weeks ago.
...ending it.
The Old Kim wouldn't of had the courage to do it.
Here's to hoping I stay strong.

By the way, the picture of the nymph on the side works at Bristol, she's gorgeous and I wish I could wear that costume.
That's the nerd in me. But don't tell me she doesn't look amazing.

Ther are so many exciting things happening this upcoming year, I don't want to spoil it by becoming attached to anybody.
Does that sound bad?

I don't know, I want to be happy with someone BUT!, not if it's like all the last times. Someone told me that I have to keep putting myself out there in order to find it.
Nope.
I'm going to let it find me this time. I want to be the pursued this time instead of the pursuer.
(Is that even a real word?...Pursuer?)

For a few years, I randomly visit GroupHug.us, a website I kind of accidentally found when I was feeling a little sad.
Right now I feel like this person:

• Anonymous said at 8:35 am on May 8th, 2009:
  i should be happy. my exams are over for this week, its friday, its nearly summer etc
  but im not

Granted, my exams aren't over for the week, but I really am going to miss being at LU for the summer.
I feel like I have to rebuild my relationships at home again.

Which is weird, I feel like it's all my fault. But communication is a two way street.

Leaving with funny words.

(405): I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
(1-405): Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar

<3